Like I said- doesn't mean you are. I don't think you are. Or would be.
[It isn't wrong to want a thing, necessarily. How he feels is how he feels. Speaking of-]
You think she'll keep sending you back? It's pretty rare, seems like, but it happens to you more than anybody I think. How's that make you feel, is it a good thing?
[The small sound he makes could be agreement or disagreement, it's hard to tell. He COULD be. He's met enough jackasses that he's pretty sure he could imitate their behavior pretty well. It just didn't.. seem like a good idea. Like doing something deliberately he knows will cause problems.]
As far as I know I'm still the only one who has, but I believe everyone could.. just not sure what the difference is. Maybe it's because I don't hate her.
[So many did, and for VERY good reasons.]
I'm counting on her sending me back, I have a lot to get done there, and I feel like I'm almost ready to do what I have to do. I think she keeps bringing me here because I still need something I can get here. Maybe some skill, maybe just.. time. Time I wouldn't have had, without Thirteen. I can't call that bad.
[But Thirteen brought some, and sent others away. He's counting on it, but it came at the price of Zack losing a lover, probably many other friends..
Some dull note of melancholy inches back into his voice, for all that he works on controlling it.]
It's not pleasant, sometimes. But because of her, I was able to meet you, and others, in time to try to make sure the things you suffered never happen again. Countless people will get to live, because you were brought here. But it doesn't seem fair, these people who don't know and won't care keep their lives, but the people like you and Aerith who paid for it with yours get ... just ... Folkmore.
[Bleakness, by degrees.]
Is that 'good'? Why can't you be saved too? Why don't you get to live?
[Even Zack can't claim to be entirely hate-free, at this point. He hates what her choices have done to Cloud (and him, to an extent) in the wake of losing Aerith. He hates that Aerith's future has been snatched away, without reason or warning especially. Could be that she favours those who put the effort into using the time, knowledge, and experience they're given in this world. Who's done that more than Sephiroth?
He listens to all of it, and at the last handful of comments, he actually laughs, though it's a kinder sound, not mockery. Typical good-natured Zack. He hopes it's not too infuriating.]
Hey, what do you think this is? [As the laugh peters off, he still sounds gently amused.] I'm here in this world, and I'm as alive as it gets. If what happened to us didn't happen, how would you know to try and change the future, huh? How would you save our other selves if you didn't know we needed saving? Every hero needs an old man to grab 'em by the shoulder and push him out of the village towards their adventure. Saying stuff like, "your future awaits! Something, something, prophecy!" That guy's important, too. That can be me this time.
[Nevermind he's like 25. The point stands!]
I think it's good. That I'm here, that I'm alive. You don't gotta be sad for me, I'm already saved.
He can't be satisfied with that. With helping a bunch of strangers who'll never know the cost tacked onto their survival and happiness, with knowing it comes alongside the people who made it happen, the ones he actually knew and cared about, don't get their own happy futures.
That those futures hinge on the whims of a notoriously fickle Fox, who might just send them back to their own terminal fates without warning. It's not enough.]
... Are you .. satisfied with that? With knowing she could just.. send you back to the Lifestream?
[The echo of Rosen's words were never far, and they seemed sharp and cutting to memory now. He can't save everybody.
You have to choose.
Except even if he chose the friends he had over strangers, he'd never be able to reach their worlds to change anything. He didn't have the power. There has to be some way around that too... doesn't there?]
Don't tell me what I'm too young to do, you whipper-snapper. ...The old guys in Gongaga used to say that, but I never really got what it meant. Are kids whippin' and snappin'?
[Zack,]
Okay, okay. She could send me back, sure. [That's been made very evident, considering Aerith.] And it'd suck. It'd be worse for Cloud. [At least he'd be gone, dead. Probably senseless, thoughtless, a cog in the afterlife, not even remembering his own existence. He's not special, like Aerith. Just a guy. Cloud would remember. Cloud would miss them both.] I did good, though. I saved the guy who saved the world. And he remembers me, now. I always wanted to be a hero, that's close enough. I don't regret my choices.
[It's a phrase he's never heard before and doesn't comment on, it doesn't.. make any sense to him either. What's being whipped, or snapped? Did it need to make sense?
The pause is lengthy.]
It's not about looking back at your choices. It's about looking forward. Having all future choices taken away. That.. doesn't feel like being saved to me. But it does to you?
Thirteen's not the one who shot me in the head, man.
[Or everywhere else.]
If I wanted to, I could have saved myself. Left Cloud behind and made a run for the city. It isn't his fault, or mine, just the shitty situation we were stuck in. That's what I mean, about my choices. I don't have a future in that world because I'd rather die a hero than live a coward. Nobody's gonna save me from death, but I can live a little longer in this world, and I think that's pretty awesome.
[It's borrowed time, but it's been good, for the most part. He's had fun. He's shared love. He's been happy. It'd been so long since he was allowed to feel joy, before coming here.]
And hey, the stuff you're doing means some other me might get to live longer. Maybe he'll do some cool stuff. Maybe he'll save a lot of people! Probably more than me. I hope he gets a good life. That'd make me happy, too.
[Wow that's... sobering, geez. And it knocks the words out of Zack for a bit, he has to take a few breaths to really roll that around in his head. What a nice, tragic feeling that is.]
Hey... if I'd had that attitude, we might not be friends now.
[This isn't his Sephiroth, technically, Zack never had to care about him. If things go as planned, he never will be. Zack likes him, though. He's a good kid, trying his best. He's glad they're friends. Some other version of him has a similar potential.
And then, with a lighter tone,]
Meeting that other me might not change your mind, though. I was soooo annoying as a kid!
[Such admittance will, later on, when he has the time and leisure and solitude to re-analyze what he's said, be understood to not be the right thing to say. He's supposed to care about a bunch of strangers, people he's never met, people he might never meet, and they were, somehow, supposed to be more important than the ones he already knows.
There's a lot of things he could say. Maybe that he should say, but doesn't.]
You're friends with everybody.
[With few exceptions, like most scientists.
It seemed a disgusting sort of irony that the people he wanted around and wanted to help were beyond his reach.]
I already have one annoying teenager to deal with in my time, I don't need two. ...Don't. Mention the sword to Cloud. It'll be there, I don't have to have it here too.
[Speaking of 1) Zack not actually being friends with everyone and 2) annoying teenagers. He bets that guy is even worse as a teen as he is fully grown. Regardless...]
I won't tell him. But if you change your mind, the offer stands. I'll help you out.
Not interested. [Sephiroth's tone switches almost immediately to flat.] I know all I need to know of both of them. Neither were there when my future self needed them most.
[Some friends. But the edge of frost melts soon enough; Zack didn't have the same tendency to abandon his comrades.]
... I appreciate the offer. If it comes with me, if I'm sent away and then dragged back a third time, then.. something will need to be done with it, I'm sure.
[Zack chuckles, but he won't protest. Honestly he knows little enough about the friendship between Sephiroth and Genesis, and he'd witnessed the mutual volatility in the end (with Sephiroth essentially telling him to go die and Genesis being the worst ex-friend ever) that he wonders if they were real friends. Felt more like Angeal was friends with both of them and- you know what, he can't speculate on the shit he's never understood. None of them are alive to explain it to him, now. Not that they would.]
I hope it works out. I mean it when I say you deserve something good to happen.
If you say that it's like challenging the universe to make it worse somehow.
[If he even ever met Genesis, he wasn't inclined to make a friendship even without knowing any friend he makes is likely to get killed. He HAD friends, ones he cared about very much. Now if only he could drag them back with him..]
But if nothing else, I think getting rid of Jenova will be a little easier than I thought it would be, knowing she's capable of language and thinking. Fighting instinct is hard.
[He could be serious, or it could be some effort at humor; he never really was good at making jokes of any sort. He should probably work on that.
But part of him hopes it's serious, and that things really can't just keep getting worse.]
Hope so. You can convince people to do things, or do something different. It's harder with an animal, even a smart one. If she just.. leaves, then ...the problem goes away too, right? Maybe there's some planet out there without thinking life on it for her to eat, she doesn't need this one.
[He's expecting it! Hold him to his promises. He'd be a weak-ass friend if he couldn't keep the important ones. Joke or not. (It is not.)]
Probably not great odds, but when has that ever stopped us from trying, huh? If there's anybody she might listen to, it's gonna be you.
[He doesn't really like the idea of throwing Jenova at some other poor unsuspecting world - even if they find one with non-thinking creatures, nevermind how would they even find that out, poor animals? - but this isn't his call to make. If Sephiroth wants to take the path of least resistance, thinks it'll result in the lowest casualties... well, they already tried the kill-Jenova route. It worked, but a lot of people did die. It can always be the back-up plan.]
[There is a very good reason he wishes he could take Zack back with him to his own time. So much would be easier, with someone he could trust along for the ride.]
At this point she's more interested in trying to convince me of things than me getting the chance to do the same, but ... I don't know. There was a man I spoke to before, who thought if she's part of a natural ecosystem, destroying her might .. be a bad thing. As the prey, we're obviously going to be biased towards our own survival but ...
[There's a gesture here but it doesn't pass the 'audio only' test.]
What if her kind is a keystone species for something else that without their predators in the ecosystem, will get out of hand and be a problem too? If you kill all the dragons suddenly the wolves and drakes become serious problems. The Gi tribe were fleeing something that wasn't her, according to legend. I don't ... want to ruin some interstellar ecosystem I can't begin to understand, but I also don't want the planet to be at risk. ..... Look I already know it's stupid to think about but I can't help it.
I don't think it's stupid, it's good to think about your options. I'm not so great at that, most of the time I just wanna fight or run.
[Depends on who's relying on him at the time, and if they can run with him, or if it's safer to take out the threat. SOLDIERs aren't built to think that much, and even the older Sephiroth knew better than to expect Zack to follow complex tactics. He didn't make First because he was a genius.]
I don't think she's like, ecosystem-important or whatever, though. I'm no scientist [thank god] but she's an alien. She doesn't belong on our planet, and she's never done anything good for anybody. If she was, might be a different story. But I wouldn't get stuck on the what-ifs, if it ends up a better plan to off her.
We're only seeing it from a planet-bound perspective. Interstellar life does exist, beyond Jenova. There's ... space whales. Giant worms living in asteroids. Whole planets that fly around eating other planets. All kinds of things that live on a scale we can barely comprehend. Not knowing how things work once you leave the atmosphere seems like a bad excuse.
[there's benefits to fight or run, or not having an imagination that tends to run off on its own tangents to the point of distraction. Zack was hardly stupid but he definitely was exactly what Shinra wanted in a SOLDIER; strong, obedient, and for a long time, loyal.]
... Don't worry. As things stand right now the only viable way to guarantee the safety of everyone left is to gather up every single cell I can and jump in a volcano. For a creature of the void somehow she's not terribly resistant to incineration.[A sigh.] Apparently if anything at all remains something called 'geostigma' results, which kills a lot of people pretty horribly. And then the planet pulls out a WEAPON named Omega that'll kill off everything left.
[Space really isn't something Zack has given much thought to. Like- yeah, aliens exist, anyone who's had dealings with Jenova in some way knows that. Even the people who think she's an Ancient are aware of the alien theory, and Hojo never shut up about this or that. He never seemed to care about her exact origins as much as what she could do for science, anyway.
There is one thing he's vaguely aware of, though...]
There's a ship in Rocket Town. Pretty sure it's one-way, and kinda busted, but I was told with some work it's space-worthy. Not in Cloud's time, but should be in yours. Might be an option. Just be careful that we aren't only passing the gil to some other world, you know?
Mm. The rocket's still being built, I learned some things in my astroengineering classes that might help it. I don't really want to unleash a plague on the universe, but if it comes between the known risk to my planet and guessing at a risk to some other one, this one will have to come first.
[Something terribly dry enters his tone; he doesn't put a lot of weight on the truth or what follows. Or any.]
Maybe all the worrying is pointless and she just didn't know we're intelligent. Nobody asks their sandwiches if they have minds. It's worth a try, before more permanent measures.
I dunno. I'm kinda useless when it comes to Jenova theories, not gonna lie. I know I've got her cells, but I've never heard her voice or had to deal with the mind control stuff. It's easy for me to say "just kill her" because it's not like talking to her has ever been an option for me.
[He pauses.]
Not that I've ever been able to talk somebody down from the whole murder thing, anyway.
I have a lot of travel time with which to do little else besides think. Talking people down takes.. a certain skillset. I know it's taught to the military police, de-escalation is important when dealing with civilians but.. I don't think SOLDIER gets any such thing.
[How many people has Zack tried to convince not to do a murder?]
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[It isn't wrong to want a thing, necessarily. How he feels is how he feels. Speaking of-]
You think she'll keep sending you back? It's pretty rare, seems like, but it happens to you more than anybody I think. How's that make you feel, is it a good thing?
text wall.
As far as I know I'm still the only one who has, but I believe everyone could.. just not sure what the difference is. Maybe it's because I don't hate her.
[So many did, and for VERY good reasons.]
I'm counting on her sending me back, I have a lot to get done there, and I feel like I'm almost ready to do what I have to do. I think she keeps bringing me here because I still need something I can get here. Maybe some skill, maybe just.. time. Time I wouldn't have had, without Thirteen. I can't call that bad.
[But Thirteen brought some, and sent others away. He's counting on it, but it came at the price of Zack losing a lover, probably many other friends..
Some dull note of melancholy inches back into his voice, for all that he works on controlling it.]
It's not pleasant, sometimes. But because of her, I was able to meet you, and others, in time to try to make sure the things you suffered never happen again. Countless people will get to live, because you were brought here. But it doesn't seem fair, these people who don't know and won't care keep their lives, but the people like you and Aerith who paid for it with yours get ... just ... Folkmore.
[Bleakness, by degrees.]
Is that 'good'? Why can't you be saved too? Why don't you get to live?
chomps it all
[Even Zack can't claim to be entirely hate-free, at this point. He hates what her choices have done to Cloud (and him, to an extent) in the wake of losing Aerith. He hates that Aerith's future has been snatched away, without reason or warning especially. Could be that she favours those who put the effort into using the time, knowledge, and experience they're given in this world. Who's done that more than Sephiroth?
He listens to all of it, and at the last handful of comments, he actually laughs, though it's a kinder sound, not mockery. Typical good-natured Zack. He hopes it's not too infuriating.]
Hey, what do you think this is? [As the laugh peters off, he still sounds gently amused.] I'm here in this world, and I'm as alive as it gets. If what happened to us didn't happen, how would you know to try and change the future, huh? How would you save our other selves if you didn't know we needed saving? Every hero needs an old man to grab 'em by the shoulder and push him out of the village towards their adventure. Saying stuff like, "your future awaits! Something, something, prophecy!" That guy's important, too. That can be me this time.
[Nevermind he's like 25. The point stands!]
I think it's good. That I'm here, that I'm alive. You don't gotta be sad for me, I'm already saved.
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[It's not enough to be satisfied with.
He can't be satisfied with that. With helping a bunch of strangers who'll never know the cost tacked onto their survival and happiness, with knowing it comes alongside the people who made it happen, the ones he actually knew and cared about, don't get their own happy futures.
That those futures hinge on the whims of a notoriously fickle Fox, who might just send them back to their own terminal fates without warning. It's not enough.]
... Are you .. satisfied with that? With knowing she could just.. send you back to the Lifestream?
[The echo of Rosen's words were never far, and they seemed sharp and cutting to memory now. He can't save everybody.
You have to choose.
Except even if he chose the friends he had over strangers, he'd never be able to reach their worlds to change anything. He didn't have the power. There has to be some way around that too... doesn't there?]
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[Zack,]
Okay, okay. She could send me back, sure. [That's been made very evident, considering Aerith.] And it'd suck. It'd be worse for Cloud. [At least he'd be gone, dead. Probably senseless, thoughtless, a cog in the afterlife, not even remembering his own existence. He's not special, like Aerith. Just a guy. Cloud would remember. Cloud would miss them both.] I did good, though. I saved the guy who saved the world. And he remembers me, now. I always wanted to be a hero, that's close enough. I don't regret my choices.
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The pause is lengthy.]
It's not about looking back at your choices. It's about looking forward. Having all future choices taken away. That.. doesn't feel like being saved to me. But it does to you?
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[Or everywhere else.]
If I wanted to, I could have saved myself. Left Cloud behind and made a run for the city. It isn't his fault, or mine, just the shitty situation we were stuck in. That's what I mean, about my choices. I don't have a future in that world because I'd rather die a hero than live a coward. Nobody's gonna save me from death, but I can live a little longer in this world, and I think that's pretty awesome.
[It's borrowed time, but it's been good, for the most part. He's had fun. He's shared love. He's been happy. It'd been so long since he was allowed to feel joy, before coming here.]
And hey, the stuff you're doing means some other me might get to live longer. Maybe he'll do some cool stuff. Maybe he'll save a lot of people! Probably more than me. I hope he gets a good life. That'd make me happy, too.
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[How can someone's greatest potential happen when they're dead?]
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Hey... if I'd had that attitude, we might not be friends now.
[This isn't his Sephiroth, technically, Zack never had to care about him. If things go as planned, he never will be. Zack likes him, though. He's a good kid, trying his best. He's glad they're friends. Some other version of him has a similar potential.
And then, with a lighter tone,]
Meeting that other me might not change your mind, though. I was soooo annoying as a kid!
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There's a lot of things he could say. Maybe that he should say, but doesn't.]
You're friends with everybody.
[With few exceptions, like most scientists.
It seemed a disgusting sort of irony that the people he wanted around and wanted to help were beyond his reach.]
I already have one annoying teenager to deal with in my time, I don't need two. ...Don't. Mention the sword to Cloud. It'll be there, I don't have to have it here too.
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[Speaking of 1) Zack not actually being friends with everyone and 2) annoying teenagers. He bets that guy is even worse as a teen as he is fully grown. Regardless...]
I won't tell him. But if you change your mind, the offer stands. I'll help you out.
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[Some friends. But the edge of frost melts soon enough; Zack didn't have the same tendency to abandon his comrades.]
... I appreciate the offer. If it comes with me, if I'm sent away and then dragged back a third time, then.. something will need to be done with it, I'm sure.
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I hope it works out. I mean it when I say you deserve something good to happen.
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[If he even ever met Genesis, he wasn't inclined to make a friendship even without knowing any friend he makes is likely to get killed. He HAD friends, ones he cared about very much. Now if only he could drag them back with him..]
But if nothing else, I think getting rid of Jenova will be a little easier than I thought it would be, knowing she's capable of language and thinking. Fighting instinct is hard.
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[To most it would sound like an empty threat, but goddamn does Zack say it like he means it.]
Think you can use words and stuff to throw her off or something?
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[He could be serious, or it could be some effort at humor; he never really was good at making jokes of any sort. He should probably work on that.
But part of him hopes it's serious, and that things really can't just keep getting worse.]
Hope so. You can convince people to do things, or do something different. It's harder with an animal, even a smart one. If she just.. leaves, then ...the problem goes away too, right? Maybe there's some planet out there without thinking life on it for her to eat, she doesn't need this one.
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[He's expecting it! Hold him to his promises. He'd be a weak-ass friend if he couldn't keep the important ones. Joke or not. (It is not.)]
Probably not great odds, but when has that ever stopped us from trying, huh? If there's anybody she might listen to, it's gonna be you.
[He doesn't really like the idea of throwing Jenova at some other poor unsuspecting world - even if they find one with non-thinking creatures, nevermind how would they even find that out, poor animals? - but this isn't his call to make. If Sephiroth wants to take the path of least resistance, thinks it'll result in the lowest casualties... well, they already tried the kill-Jenova route. It worked, but a lot of people did die. It can always be the back-up plan.]
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At this point she's more interested in trying to convince me of things than me getting the chance to do the same, but ... I don't know. There was a man I spoke to before, who thought if she's part of a natural ecosystem, destroying her might .. be a bad thing. As the prey, we're obviously going to be biased towards our own survival but ...
[There's a gesture here but it doesn't pass the 'audio only' test.]
What if her kind is a keystone species for something else that without their predators in the ecosystem, will get out of hand and be a problem too? If you kill all the dragons suddenly the wolves and drakes become serious problems. The Gi tribe were fleeing something that wasn't her, according to legend. I don't ... want to ruin some interstellar ecosystem I can't begin to understand, but I also don't want the planet to be at risk. ..... Look I already know it's stupid to think about but I can't help it.
[Well at least he knows.]
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[Depends on who's relying on him at the time, and if they can run with him, or if it's safer to take out the threat. SOLDIERs aren't built to think that much, and even the older Sephiroth knew better than to expect Zack to follow complex tactics. He didn't make First because he was a genius.]
I don't think she's like, ecosystem-important or whatever, though. I'm no scientist [thank god] but she's an alien. She doesn't belong on our planet, and she's never done anything good for anybody. If she was, might be a different story. But I wouldn't get stuck on the what-ifs, if it ends up a better plan to off her.
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[there's benefits to fight or run, or not having an imagination that tends to run off on its own tangents to the point of distraction. Zack was hardly stupid but he definitely was exactly what Shinra wanted in a SOLDIER; strong, obedient, and for a long time, loyal.]
... Don't worry. As things stand right now the only viable way to guarantee the safety of everyone left is to gather up every single cell I can and jump in a volcano. For a creature of the void somehow she's not terribly resistant to incineration.[A sigh.] Apparently if anything at all remains something called 'geostigma' results, which kills a lot of people pretty horribly. And then the planet pulls out a WEAPON named Omega that'll kill off everything left.
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[Space really isn't something Zack has given much thought to. Like- yeah, aliens exist, anyone who's had dealings with Jenova in some way knows that. Even the people who think she's an Ancient are aware of the alien theory, and Hojo never shut up about this or that. He never seemed to care about her exact origins as much as what she could do for science, anyway.
There is one thing he's vaguely aware of, though...]
There's a ship in Rocket Town. Pretty sure it's one-way, and kinda busted, but I was told with some work it's space-worthy. Not in Cloud's time, but should be in yours. Might be an option. Just be careful that we aren't only passing the gil to some other world, you know?
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[Something terribly dry enters his tone; he doesn't put a lot of weight on the truth or what follows. Or any.]
Maybe all the worrying is pointless and she just didn't know we're intelligent. Nobody asks their sandwiches if they have minds. It's worth a try, before more permanent measures.
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[He pauses.]
Not that I've ever been able to talk somebody down from the whole murder thing, anyway.
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[How many people has Zack tried to convince not to do a murder?]
... If it helps, I haven't ever succeeded either.
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[Oh, buddy. So many. (Like, okay. At least three. But they were an important three!)]
At least you're trying. Or... trying to try.
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since i'm just lying here waiting for my surgeon.. so.. hungry..
eat a whole surgeon
tastes like expensive indian takeout
spicy
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