[Carefully, deliberately, he works on writing things in such a way that it's not as obvious how much he'd wanted things to go differently. Acceptance and false hope would assuage concerns, right?]
It's not worth it to me! I don't like killing people, or getting people killed! Besides which, I KNOW I'm not going to be able to convince someone like that to turn on the company and help me kill a defenseless scrawny scientist. I'm not interested in trying. Just because the Turks helped once doesn't mean I can rely on them to keep making the things I do sound reasonable or like accidents.
At least their director understands that the Professor is a threat that needs to be removed but their hands are tied for now.
I'm glad they put a ton of future shit on me, Zack. I am. Now there's another version of you that isn't going to have to suffer everything you did. Now there's another version of your girlfriend who won't be murdered trying to save the world. Entire towns will get to live.
And most importantly, it was done before I could gain much that's going to hurt to lose, or make me think maybe I shouldn't bother trying to change anything just to keep what I have. It's the truth when I say I'm grateful for that. Not everyone gets a chance to save a planet! :) Not even you can say that, ho ho ho.
No, I don't think I was worried about the consequences. I don't know. There wasn't a lot of time to analyze it at the moment. Tseng thinks I just need more training on assassinations, killing someone on the battlefield is apparently different than just stabbing them out of nowhere. This got long again.
TL;DR Angeal doesn't seem the sort to stab scientists, I get to save the world and you don't, and apparently I need assassination education.
[Zack doesn't reply for a while. He's already not much of a reader, this conversation was pushing the limits of both his attention span and his school-less village childhood education. This one's a lot. And a good chunk of it really, really pisses him off.
Once he takes a walk and cools off, though, that part feels more intentional than he wants to admit.
Eventually, he comes back and taps out a very simple reply:]
It's easy to forget when he does most of his messaging by text that this is even an option. For a long moment it's stared at before 'accept' is pushed.]
[Honestly wasn't sure if he would. Zack wouldn't blame him.]
Hey. Sorry, I suck at texting long stuff. ...I wanna tell you something. You don't have to agree, you don't have to argue, you don't even have to say anything. Just hear me out and we can leave it at that, and I'll accept your answer even if I don't like it. Good deal?
[He takes a deep breath. What comes next is more of a plea than an argument, this time.]
Okay. So... here's what played out for us SOLDIERs. Older you went to study Jenova, and he did it all alone. Every time I tried to help him, he just wanted me to leave. Next thing any of us knew, she was under his skin and he was killing everybody. I told you that one, but there's more.
Angeal left. He felt so strongly about fighting Shinra that he left, to do it alone. He left me. Maybe to protect me, maybe to protect himself. He wouldn't talk. And then he lost hope, turned into a monster to force me to kill him.
On my last day alive, I had to leave Cloud, because he was sick. Couldn't make it back to Midgar, couldn't go home. Everybody else had their own loyalties. Felt like I fought the whole Shinra army alone. I tried, and I failed.
I can't talk for anybody else. But as scared as you are of getting other people killed, I'm just as scared of you getting yourself killed or locked up in their lab again when someone could be there to watch your back. I want a world where Angeal gets to keep his friends and you both stay alive. I don't think that world is the one where you go rogue solo. It hasn't worked out for anybody yet. It's got nothing to do with who gets to be a hero or whatever, or how strong anybody is. Maybe you can do it, and I don't blame you for doing what you think you've gotta. Just... scares the shit out of me. I don't want that for you. I don't... want you to be alone.
[The silence stretches on for a while. The line's still open, there's the sound distant background noise; no television shows, no radio, no nearby distracting voices. When he finally speaks again, at great length, it's very quiet. Hopefully Zack's not somewhere noisy, it'll be easy to miss.]
That's not fair. I can't do that and all the rest too.
[This conversation's gotten personal, so Zack's on his own, his side of the line similarly quiet. Mostly just the shuffling sound of movement (he's probably doing squats while he waits, to avoid otherwise fidgeting or pushing for a response or something uncalled for).
At Sephiroth's quiet reply, Zack exhales a huff of humourless laughter.]
None of this is fair. That's the worst part about all of it. [The irony of his name combined with the way his life has gone isn't lost on him, either.] You can't think of a way to do both, yet. Maybe somebody else can. Somebody else who'd also like to save the world. Who'd rather be a hero than a monster.
[He sighs faintly.]
I won't fight you on it, like I said. You're the one who gets to make the call. But as long as we're both here, I won't let you be alone. So don't give up.
[He breaks off. He's said to others before that Zack had been through too much, carried too much and shouldn't be expected to do more.
He'd meant it. Adding to it ... on purpose. Knowingly, especially with the things some other version of him did in the future, ravaging Zack's dearest friends and lovers. Making it worse would be base cruelty at best. This was Zack's afterlife, his happy ending, it's SUPPOSED to be better here than being dead.
Zack shouldn't be having to deal with the problems of separate worlds. After everything he'd been through he deserved peace.]
[He does not. Socializing after all of this would be a struggle at best, and his ability to pretend everything is fine is not as good in person as it could be over relics. But that might be too obvious, upsetting Zack further.]
...Right now?
[How long did he need to re-establish a good mask of not being bothered? If his failure to kill Hojo never arose, he might be able to.]
Doesn't have to be now, or even today. [This conversation got pretty intense, and Sephiroth only just returned. It's an olive branch at best.] It can be whenever you want. Just wanted to let you know it's an option.
[Not right now then. If Zack got himself a dog, or someone else at Zack's house did, then it would stand to reason that his own 'dog' would want to play.. and Casimir was not good at hiding their changes in mood. Canine body language was somethign they had no experience disguising.
Maybe in a couple of days though, it could at least be a reasonable try..]
Give me some time to catch up with the school things I missed.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It's not worth it to me! I don't like killing people, or getting people killed! Besides which, I KNOW I'm not going to be able to convince someone like that to turn on the company and help me kill a defenseless scrawny scientist. I'm not interested in trying. Just because the Turks helped once doesn't mean I can rely on them to keep making the things I do sound reasonable or like accidents.
At least their director understands that the Professor is a threat that needs to be removed but their hands are tied for now.
I'm glad they put a ton of future shit on me, Zack. I am. Now there's another version of you that isn't going to have to suffer everything you did. Now there's another version of your girlfriend who won't be murdered trying to save the world. Entire towns will get to live.
And most importantly, it was done before I could gain much that's going to hurt to lose, or make me think maybe I shouldn't bother trying to change anything just to keep what I have. It's the truth when I say I'm grateful for that. Not everyone gets a chance to save a planet! :) Not even you can say that, ho ho ho.
No, I don't think I was worried about the consequences. I don't know. There wasn't a lot of time to analyze it at the moment. Tseng thinks I just need more training on assassinations, killing someone on the battlefield is apparently different than just stabbing them out of nowhere. This got long again.
TL;DR Angeal doesn't seem the sort to stab scientists, I get to save the world and you don't, and apparently I need assassination education.
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Once he takes a walk and cools off, though, that part feels more intentional than he wants to admit.
Eventually, he comes back and taps out a very simple reply:]
do you feel better?
saying all that to me
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As it often feels as if things that are very important to me are not heeded, no.
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....
Ring, ring.]
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It's easy to forget when he does most of his messaging by text that this is even an option. For a long moment it's stared at before 'accept' is pushed.]
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Hey. Sorry, I suck at texting long stuff. ...I wanna tell you something. You don't have to agree, you don't have to argue, you don't even have to say anything. Just hear me out and we can leave it at that, and I'll accept your answer even if I don't like it. Good deal?
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[There's not a trace of emotion in those two words.
The last time someone said something similar it hadn't gone well. He'd just have to brace for it.]
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Okay. So... here's what played out for us SOLDIERs. Older you went to study Jenova, and he did it all alone. Every time I tried to help him, he just wanted me to leave. Next thing any of us knew, she was under his skin and he was killing everybody. I told you that one, but there's more.
Angeal left. He felt so strongly about fighting Shinra that he left, to do it alone. He left me. Maybe to protect me, maybe to protect himself. He wouldn't talk. And then he lost hope, turned into a monster to force me to kill him.
On my last day alive, I had to leave Cloud, because he was sick. Couldn't make it back to Midgar, couldn't go home. Everybody else had their own loyalties. Felt like I fought the whole Shinra army alone. I tried, and I failed.
I can't talk for anybody else. But as scared as you are of getting other people killed, I'm just as scared of you getting yourself killed or locked up in their lab again when someone could be there to watch your back. I want a world where Angeal gets to keep his friends and you both stay alive. I don't think that world is the one where you go rogue solo. It hasn't worked out for anybody yet. It's got nothing to do with who gets to be a hero or whatever, or how strong anybody is. Maybe you can do it, and I don't blame you for doing what you think you've gotta. Just... scares the shit out of me. I don't want that for you. I don't... want you to be alone.
...That's all.
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That's not fair. I can't do that and all the rest too.
[You have to choose.]
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At Sephiroth's quiet reply, Zack exhales a huff of humourless laughter.]
None of this is fair. That's the worst part about all of it. [The irony of his name combined with the way his life has gone isn't lost on him, either.] You can't think of a way to do both, yet. Maybe somebody else can. Somebody else who'd also like to save the world. Who'd rather be a hero than a monster.
[He sighs faintly.]
I won't fight you on it, like I said. You're the one who gets to make the call. But as long as we're both here, I won't let you be alone. So don't give up.
no subject
[He breaks off. He's said to others before that Zack had been through too much, carried too much and shouldn't be expected to do more.
He'd meant it. Adding to it ... on purpose. Knowingly, especially with the things some other version of him did in the future, ravaging Zack's dearest friends and lovers. Making it worse would be base cruelty at best. This was Zack's afterlife, his happy ending, it's SUPPOSED to be better here than being dead.
Zack shouldn't be having to deal with the problems of separate worlds. After everything he'd been through he deserved peace.]
... I'll try.
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Thus:] You want to meet a really weird dog?
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...Right now?
[How long did he need to re-establish a good mask of not being bothered? If his failure to kill Hojo never arose, he might be able to.]
... can I eat lunch first?
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Doesn't have to be now, or even today. [This conversation got pretty intense, and Sephiroth only just returned. It's an olive branch at best.] It can be whenever you want. Just wanted to let you know it's an option.
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[Not right now then. If Zack got himself a dog, or someone else at Zack's house did, then it would stand to reason that his own 'dog' would want to play.. and Casimir was not good at hiding their changes in mood. Canine body language was somethign they had no experience disguising.
Maybe in a couple of days though, it could at least be a reasonable try..]
Give me some time to catch up with the school things I missed.
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[They don't even have to argue about all of this stuff.]